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She’s No Angel – A Mother’s Day Essay

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In my neck of the woods, there is a phrase people like to use that I don’t relate to very well. “My Angel Mother.” Don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe in censorship. And I do believe that there are mothers out there who do angelic things. But, here’s the thing. I’m just going to say it . . .

My mother is no angel. And I really love her for it.

I’ve been blessed with two grandmothers and two mothers-in-law. I’ve had teachers and bosses who have mentored me in maternal ways. And I think it’s possible that none of these people are angels either. Not in the way I interpret that phrase, anyway.

I’m not saying that these people are not selfless and wonderful. I’m saying that they do human things, like ask me if I have the light on when I put on my make-up.  Or swear when they drop a rock on their foot. Or maybe even get a parking ticket they don’t tell their spouse about. (Sorry Mom, totally just outed you there)

I’m saying that the mothers in my life have loved me deeply, joyfully and authentically. And authenticity is not perfection.

There are bad mothers. I don’t know how to judge this, so I don’t. But there are mothers that are destructive to their children. There are mothers who don’t pay enough attention to their kids, or pay too much in ways that are hurtful. I in no way condone women or men that abuse their children physically or emotionally. That’s not okay on any day of the year. If you have had an abusive mother my heart goes out to you. I hope you can find a way to get past the hole in your heart and make something better for yourself.

But even “good moms” are imperfect. Being a mother is hard and people don’t always look good doing it, even when they are really trying. Maybe especially when they are really trying.

One of my mother’s many gifts to me has been to teach me to walk past the guilt section in the emotional grocery store of life. She still encourages me to push my cart all the way down the end of row to pick up some self-improvement –and never look back, if I can avoid it. I have looked back. But I don’t feel like I’m supposed to.

The reason I think this is a great gift is that when women feel guilt about not being an angel mother they rarely change in a positive way. They compare and despair. Not a winning combination.

I make mistakes, as a mom and as a new step-mom. Sorry kids. Good job growing up to be awesome anyway. You never stop amazing me and making me proud.

So what ever kind of mother you are, biological, spiritual, educational, (this includes men), I would like to tell you I think being an angel is less important than being a person who cares and sacrifices and keeps showing up for the people they love.

I am grateful for all the imperfect and amazing women and men in my life that cared enough to love, nurture and teach me.  Thank you moms, for helping me be an imperfect-but-trying mother myself.

Love you, Mom. You have always been there for me. Always. You’re a truly beautiful person. You taught me all the important things I know.  I admire you so much.

P.S. I think Dad knew about the parking ticket anyway.:)

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. sara

    I am so thankful for the role you’ve overtaken with Alysa and McKay! You’ve been such a great mother figure to them and the transformation I’ve seen in them since I met them in 2010 is INCREDIBLE!!! You are the bomb, Kris! Thanks for all you do for them 🙂 You have a great family.
    -Sara from NY

  2. kristen

    Hi Sara,

    How kind of you to write this. I am so lucky to have Lysa and McKay in my life. And as a bonus, I get to have you as a friend too! I’m so impressed with your big life adventure. It takes all kinds of grit to just pick up and move across the country, and you did it with ease. You are truly making the change you want to see in the world. Thank you for being such a great friend to Lysa! I hope you see you again soon!

    Kris

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