This has been an interesting season. I have loved the interaction with people and the focus required in meeting a deadline. I didn’t love trying to do them at the same time. I need to get over that. Life doesn’t happen in tidy spaces.
I sent my revision of my next novel in last Thursday. I was euphoric. As my reward, I called up an old friend I haven’t spoken with in twenty years. He found me through his daughter buying my book. I discovered in that phone call how quickly all the things I have learned in the last two decades can be forgotten. I was so excited to have mailed my book in, and to be talking to this voice from my past (a much simpler past), I said something thoughtless about someone we both knew. The besmirched person was just an acquaintance. If you’re reading this I can pretty much guarantee it’s not you. But I let myself be petty in a way I really thought dreadful when I replayed the conversation the next day. Why did I say something so unnecessary? I mean if there is any plus in getting older it ought to be that we outgrow gossip! (And that we get a discount card at Chuck-a-Rama, but I’m not quite there yet.) And it occurred to me, age and experience are only age and experience. Expecting to get wiser just because I’m getting older is like going to Paris and expecting to get a sense of style. I can come home and wear the same tacky shoes I’ve always worn. I can meet wonderful people, write stories I love creating, travel, eat, pray, love and even get my heart broken, and learn not a dang* thing. I have to keep working everyday of my dang life to find the better part of why I’m here.
Dang.
So tomorrow. I’m going get up, run in the rain and go back to work. I’m going to appreciate my family and friends that make a pilgramage back to Utah. I’m going to let my little bother beat me at Scrabble and let my dog (and kids) stay in the house even when he’s (they’re) being mopey. I’m going to read the three books growing mold on my night stand and make my grandmother’s old fashioned rolls and then only eat two of them. Maybe I’ll even figure out a way to take back the rotten thing I said on the phone when I see my friend for dinner in a few days.
If you read this, I hope you have a dang good Thanksgiving too. No guarantees. Possibilities.
*dang is Utahan for damn, but I don’t swear so I would never say that.
