“Be yourself: everyone else is taken.”
Oscar Wilde
How many times have you watched a romantic comedy and thought, “Why doesn’t he just tell her that she’s his long lost twin?” Of course it would take all the stuffing out of the movie, but it has the opposite effect in real life. I think. Like when I’m with someone I don’t know very well and say something like, “Actually I’m starving.” Because maybe they’re starving too and even if they aren’t, they feel so virtuous when I say that we usually go out to eat to celebrate.
Why is it so great in books or movies when characters lie or sneak around or stand on the other side of the door experiencing nefarious irony and so crappy in real life? Other things seem great in stories and real life. Like bear hugs and blue sky. Both good in our imaginations and out. But honesty kind of bores us in a book. Unless it’s painful honesty. That’s okay.
I guess the problem is that we crave conflict in our entertainment and avoid it all cost in our everyday life. But what about honesty in real life . . . is that a rule?
I’m going to say no. Mystery and tact are often not only good and useful but mandatory survival skills. And yet there are times when honesty shouldn’t be negotiable. Here’s my starter list:
1) When you say, “I’m coming.” Even dogs hate you when you lie about this.
2) When you say, “almost there!” I’ll admit I have fudged on this before, like two weekends ago at the marathon, and I’m mostly sorry.
3) When you say, “I promise” after whatever you are promising. However experience tells me that if you say, “I promise,” in literature or real life, then you might as well kiss your promise and your keester good-bye.
4) When you say, “I love you.”
5) When you put your name on a page and send your words into the world. If you’re a fake or a cheat in your writing it’s entirely possible that other people will like it, but they’ll still being cheated. I even think journalists should be honest.
6) When you run for president. Yeah. I know. Which is why candidates continue to win by being the most appealing non-truth tellers. No one even asks for honesty. So I’m asking. And whatever the truth is I’ll try to be calm and thoughtful and look beyond the sound bite and the polls and my own personally motivated agenda. I promise.
Please add to this list with your own ideas. If I can’t handle the truth I’ll pretend.
Honesty can also be funny. There is nothing better or funnier than a six year’s honesty. Sometimes a joke about some of the dumb and silly things we do in life helps.
This is something I think about a lot as I started exercising properly about 18 months ago in a bid to get fit. For me, losing weight is just a bonus I love feeling fit and capable. I started playing roller derby in January and the main reason I love it is that ANYONE can play it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a size 8 or 18, six feet tall or five foot nothing there is a place for everyone. It is all about being your strongest self and recognising and being surprised by what your body can do for you. There is no competition or pressure to be thin or particularly athletic, just a desire to be fit and strong. We don’t look at each other and think, I wish I was a size X like her. We look at each other and go, Holy crap, look at your arm muscles! I wanna do that! In a society where women are constantly fed images of starving women sidenote, when designer women’s clothes only fit skinny men we have a MAJOR problem any arena where women and their bodies are celebrated is a very, very good thing indeed.